A List Of Things I Shouldnt Allow To Get To Me


1) The fact that I’ve saved up three hundred forty dollars over eight months, and was planning on buying myself some kind of gadget with it, or not spending it AT ALL, prolly the latter, and for my birthday, my Dad arbitrarily decides to buy me an iPod nano. It’s a nice gesture. I don’t have to spend my money. No issues with that. So what’s the problem, you say? For one, iPods are a piece of crap. [I hate Apple anything with a fiery burning passion.] Sure, they hype about them is fantastic. But I’ve had mine just over a month and it already removes some of the programs on it by itself. And it’s an effing nano. I used to have a thirty gig. With two thousand songs on it. And this stupid thing holds something like five hundred songs. And there are like three hundred thirty on it right now. “Just be glad you’ve got anything that’ll play music.” And I am. Don’t get me wrong. But it still pisses me off somewhat.

2) The fact that for my 14th birthday, mind you. 14th. I asked for my room to be redone. And it wasn’t until a month or so before my 16th birthday that it actually got done.
That’s almost two years.

3) The fact that I’m going to have  people over for Thanksgiving this year whose indifference towards me makes me want to run in my room and lock the door and not come out. Which will most likely occur.

4)  The fact that after I do said locking, I will have to eventually come out, and be told “Why did you do that?” And my typical response will be “I had nothing to say.” Truth is, after I DO say something, no one responds.
The difference in being ignored or not saying anything?
There isn’t one. Nothing changes.
So there is no point in even being there.
I’ll talk to someone who listens, thanks.
Like my baby.

5) The fact I’ve had a birthday trip promised to me by two people in the past month and a half and it hasn’t occured. This one I’ll bend on. When your mother/grandmother is alternating between rehab and home, it’s understandable not to have time. But at the same time, I do get kinda disappointed sometimes.
Both for the fact she has to go through that and for the fact that I’ll prolly not be able to go with her when I do go on these aforementioned trips.
I just need to grow up about it, I guess.

6) the fact that i’m pretty much considered a freak of nature by my stepfamily that’ll be coming over for thanksgiving.

For the millionth time, God forbid should I not be your average top forty adoring, celebrity obsessed, pink polo shirt wearing, teenager.

and usually it’s my stepmom who i get that impression from.

I guess when YOUR daughter is like that, and so are her friends, you don’t really understand.
And when your son is a wigger, you don’t really understand.

just for the same reason I don’t understand ANY of them.

it’s really not just them. it’s alot of people.

you’ve no idea how selfish i felt writing this.

but it really did just hit me all of a sudden.

For a person who talks alot…

I caint verbalize a thang.

But here are some memorable quotes from conversations in recent months…

Jewell: “I’ll hit her if we ever have the misfortune of meeting.”


Jewell: “Takes a real man to shave off his sideburns for the one he loves.”

After being sent this quote…

“By the time you swear you’re his, shivering and sighing, and he vows his passion is infinite, undying. Lady make a note of this: one of you is lying.”-Dorothy Parker

Jewell: “Ain’t that the gd truth. That woman deserves an emmy.”

Nathaniel: “I don’t know. You’re the idea guru. THINK O CREATIVE ONE.”

Hunter/Princess: “I love you morer!”

Jewell: “I understand. With that many men, it’s like the old lady in the shoe, cept she didn’t date them. She just neglected the snotty brats.”

Johnny: “A man in Stalinist Russia decided to join the party to further his career. The party asked him what he thought of their economic policy. I agree with the party’s policy. What do you think of the punishment policy? I agree with the party. What do you think of our foreign policy? I agree with the party. Do you have any opinions of your own? Yes, but I disagree with them.”

Justin: “You got a nice ass! Like a black girl!”-October 12th.

Bend It Like Beckham: “Meat and vegetalia.”

Justin: “Hey. Guess what. I love you.” [From a note slipped into my pocket after 5th period.]

Pulp Fiction: “I like the way you stink!”

Loren Lester: “A black man died and went to heaven. As soon as he discovered his wings he asked God, “God, am I an angel?” God responded, “No, nigga. You a bat.”

[Politically incorrect. But hilarious.]

Phil Bruley [Or however you spell his last name, addressing Katie Gossage and I.]: “Wanna make out?”

Random dude on Savannah’s river front: “Happy birthday to you darling and no more alligators.”

Cody Crunk: “I love you!”

classicrocker198: but the point i’m making(actually, im just trying to bring this back to the original topic, which was a “look, i love you a lot too!” response to your message that i decided to do on aim instead)
classicrocker198: is that you’ve no clue how happy you make me
classicrocker198: where as the immaturity realizations after holly were depressing
classicrocker198: this is happy
classicrocker198: and magnified ten times
classicrocker198: and the “want” to make you happy
classicrocker198: to buy you flowers
classicrocker198: to make you want me more
classicrocker198: to make you jealous, in a sense
classicrocker198: it’s all feelings everyone feels
classicrocker198: that i most certainly have felt before
classicrocker198: but on a totally different level
classicrocker198: tell me freshman year “dude, ,2 years, you’ll have this chick,  right? and not only will she challenge you as a person on many levels, but you’ll actually want her in different ways, ,and want to keep her for more than a few months”, and i would laugh
classicrocker198: because honestly,  no one can challenge me on any level, and honestly, keeping one girl and wanting her and respecting her on so many different levels and keeping her for more than a month is a ridiculous concept
classicrocker198: but dang. i was dumb haha

I’d say he wins.


You know when..

someone’s been in your head for over a year.
you’ve liked them for about a year exactly.
you’ve essentially been dating this person ten months.
[with the exception of a nearly two month lapse in judgement neither of you like to speak of.]

that’s gotta mean something.

i think it means alot of things.

maybe he’s cute.
maybe he’s smart.
maybe he’s funny.
maybe he makes me you smile.
maybe he gives good hugs.
maybe he doesn’t take things too seriously.
[and balances you out.]
maybe he’s a good writer.
maybe he gives good surprises, all 1-10 of them.
maybe he makes you wanna give good surprises.
maybe he writes notes.
and maybe he writes notes and attaches ’em to mix tapes.
and maybe he’s a charmer.

but sometimes all that doesn’t matter.

cause you just love him, mistakes and all.

yeah, that’s what it is.

can’t help it.


Good and Bad

Three gone.
One I didn’t want gone.
I suppose I don’t have a right to not want one gone.
But it still irks me.

It’s been an interesting week.
Once I do a six point assignment Monday I’ll have a 92 in Algebra two.
It’s a beautiful thing.

boyfriend and i had one of our few major downs.
it’s better now. i got flowers.
he makes me happy.

saw zach darling and trevor at the game last night.

and that’s about it.

It is the springtime of my loving – the second season I am to know
You are the sunlight in my growing – so little warmth I’ve felt before.
It isn’t hard to feel me glowing – I watched the fire that grew so low.

It is the summer of my smiles – flee from me Keepers of the Gloom.
Speak to me only with your eyes. It is to you I give this tune.
Ain’t so hard to recognize – These things are clear to all from
time to time.

Talk Talk – I’ve felt the coldness of my winter
I never thought it would ever go. I cursed the gloom that set upon us…
But I know that I love you so

These are the seasons of emotion and like the winds they rise and fall
This is the wonder of devotion – I seek the torch we all must hold.
This is the mystery of the quotient – Upon us all a little rain must fall.